And they drone on and on …

Wow children in cages … children being separated from parents … a frightening thought to say the least … I see it on Facebook on how many are insulted by this … good for you, but what have you really done to fix the plight of children in the world, beside complaining   about it on Facebook or in your personal conversation, with friends … as you make another cocktail to discuss just how awful it is,  with a “tisk … tisk” …  how awful … hey maybe you even purchased a T-shirt that speaks to how offended you are   … for those on a Time magazine cover…

Let me tell you what I tried to do in the 1980’s …

When I found myself in a battle royal for the rights of children …  I was a single mom with no money … taking my hits in Court big time on this issue … until one day I decided I needed to be bold and think outside of the box … so I drove to a law school … located about 45 minutes away, from me … There I went into the reference library at the school … went up to the reference librarian and said this “show me how to file legal papers in Court on my own”… otherwise known as filing “Pro-Se”…

There was a group of law students in the library when I was there (they were about my age) … they came up to me and said, “We will help you”… I think I was a challenge to them … a brassy woman willing to take on “the giant” called the legal system on her own … so they started to prep me on the ins and outs of what to do inside a Court room to be heard Pro-Se … I filed my first set of papers in the Court and I will be darn… I was heard (but barely) … but since I had filed these papers correctly they had to be heard …

So I went back to my friends at the law school and said this “I need to go bigger”… I am being eaten alive in the courtroom the Judge could care less about the rights of a woman never mind a child …  

They laughed and said … how brassy are you … I smiled and said… you would be impressed, when it comes to the rights of a child and they being in a safe environment …    

So my friends at the law school said this … file a complaint … I said against who … they said … everyone, the County, and the Court and name the judge in it… WOW... I knew the judge by law had blanket immunity, they cannot be sued … so I thought… what … is the point …???

My law student friends said the point is “attention to your cause”. The judge is going to get really pissed off at you and you may get a lot of blow back… every lawyer in that room will come after you as well … My friends asked me are you tuff enough to take the heat … my answer,  yes I am  ..

So my legal friends helped me craft a legal complaint against the County, the court and the judge … and they told me to go big … so I did…  I filed a complaint asking for 10 million dollars to be able to defend the rights of children …

It was so bizarre that anyone had the brass to do this … my legal complaint was picked up by the local newspaper … and there I was in the newspaper “woman files a 10 million dollar law suit against the County, the Court and the Judge” for the  rights of children …  

And my law student friends were right … lots of heat I received in court post that filing … first up the judge who was named could not say anything to me … I was called before the bench and he said this to me “He is removing himself from this case” … if looks could kill, he would have given me the death sentence as he spoke those words …

Within a week I was ordered to appear before another Judge in the same county (my law student friends prepped me for this) … they told me to say this in open Court (which I did) “Your Honor respectfully,  I have named the entire Court system of this County in my complaint and I do not think it appropriate  for me to address this issue with you” … Well the judge went ape shit on me … right there in Court … yelling I am not a lawyer,  I do not have a degree and I should just be glad,  I am in American for in any other country I could be locked up … WOW freak’n WOW … now my law student peeps … told me it could get ugly in Court … and I must remain calm and respectful no matter what was said from the bench …

So I let the judge rant and he finally asked me to just leave his Courtroom... I did and thanked him respectfully …

Within 30 days I received notice from another County that I was to appear before a Judge there … and I did … this time it was younger Judge who looked me in the eye and said this “you come to my Courtroom with history, I have read your complaint and you make fair points and I will listen to you”…

And that Judge true to his word … did listen and was fair …

So what is the moral of this rather lengthy story …?

If you feel something is really unjust in the world try to fix it … in a manner that makes a difference … not just bitching about it online or at a backyard barbecue …

And no I did get 10 million dollars that was not the point anyhow … being heard was …   

And there is a two tiered justice system in the Country one for the wealthy and one for the “common folk” … no wait a minute there is be a 3 tiered justice system … the woman, the child, those of color are in the third tier … so post less online and do more in the world, by action … Civil legal action that is  

Best gift ever!

I am really … really difficult to buy a gift for … I mean “pain in the ass difficult” … I am fussy and point specific on things I like … I do like handmade cards from my grandchildren and flowers …

My eldest daughter has tried over the years to give me gifts from the grand to the random … to no success… yes I am that bitchy about gifts … well to be honest most gifts reflect the gift giver more than the person to whom they are bestowed upon … hence there is a massive amount of “re-gifting” on items you do not like, by everyone…

Except there is one gift this daughter gave to me years ago that will always stand out as the most valued gift every given to me … I have had it for years and I treasure it … this gift hangs on the front door where I live ..

First I need to speak to you about “hobo art” … hobo art was used by “Hobo’s”… people who have no home, traveling from place to place looking for food to eat … Mostly especially during the great depression …

One year for my birthday, my daughter gave me a “piece of Hobo art” with a description of what it meant …below is a photo of the gift

This symbol… The Hobo’s would etch on the door the above symbol meaning “a kind lady lives here”, during the great depression, who gave them shelter and food to eat … the symbolism of this gift floored me..

It made me think, “wow” my daughter thinks this of me... I could ask for no higher grace in life, than a child who thinks this way about me … to see her mother as being … kind, charitable, merciful to the poor, the hungry and homeless … I do not want to be remembered as successful in the world, but of success of soul … that is grace …    

So much do I honor and appreciate this simple gift given to me, by my daughter … it is a symbol I would like on my tombstone one day …

The sign of a Hobo … "here rests a kind lady” …     

  

Stopping judging and “talking down to them” get them help…

A child will consider parents and relatives “talking to them” about their behavior and invitation to go into the opposite direction… Under the best of circumstances a pre-teen and teenager is in “rebellion”… you and your family represents to them all that is wrong in the world and what they do not want to be … Your “talking to them and saying how bad their behavior is” … counterproductive for a child who is truly acting out …

A parent has to realize they do not have all the answers and although they may “think they know their child” at the end of the day they do not, no one knows another on the level of inner thoughts, anger, anxiety and torment … The parent has to lay done their pride that they have the answer ... and usually with a really troubled child family therapy is needed ... you cannot fix a child if they are returning home to the environment that caused the issue in the first place ... 

I post on several blogs one concerning children who have been sexual abused. I am advocate for the rights of children and this issue is be beyond disturbing to me.

These children 95% of the time, will not tell their parents what happened to them. There seems to be common reaction with these children though they can become extremely depressed/ quite/ or they can be aggressive and bully other children especially in their own home.

 If your child’s behavior seems extreme or aggressive maybe it is time to take them to a therapist, to see what is really going on with them …

Every parent will say not my child they tell me everything … I call BS on that the parent is usually the last one they tell… nor will they tell a relative (probably not a good idea to even try) if a kid is out of control, there is a reason behind it,  they need help .. 

They are acting out for a reason and the reasons can be many

Did the child move a great deal and has no close friends

Are they online a lot?  

Has your child been at sleep away camp or in an environment where they might have been exposed to be predator (unfortunately this is a thought you need to have in this day and age)

Are they isolated in location and with peers?

 If your child is defiant to the level of causing conflicts at home and disturbing family life, get them help …

What seems to trigger your child’s behavior?

I am not a doctor or degreed in this area … I have lived through a great deal of trauma myself, and I sought help, I know people and children who have been abused, and children who have sever anger issues for whatever issue …

I also have received emails about children who are out of control and have drugs problems …

I know you think “psychologist”, when I say these things… which is good and should be done…

I have also learned over last several years the value of OT (occupational therapy) … not something you first think of when you think of “anger issues” … but I have seen miracles 

with this type of therapy in people of all ages … it is teaching of cognitive skills to control your anger 

 

As a matter of fact I have seen such remarkable results in children with OT … I think in this day and age all children should have OT for every single child is under stress in today’s society and with all the anger issues in the world today … maybe every single person should have OT on how to control behavior  …

 But seriously get your kid help and look into “anger issue with children and OT” as well as a therapist … fix it now or the child will only get worse as the pressures on your child increases as they grow.  

On being a Unicorn

I was divorced 40 years ago and as such I was somewhat of a unicorn (not common in nature) nor the nature of society back then … even in my own family … yes we had a relative who was married several times that one was just labeled “weird” … I was supposed to have had the idea marriage, now I was divorced … so I was somewhat shunned by my own peeps and looked upon as being a failure … not that I didn’t think that of myself anyhow, they just added to my psychological burden…

Yet maybe the biggest psychological burden was dumped on my children, after the divorce they became baby unicorns in a world of normal children (ah back then how they labeled what was normal, pretty much like today) … so I get the burden that is placed on children today who are “different” not “normal” to the family next door and to society …

So to all unicorns in life the plus side is you are different, which will allow you to be independent and not follow the crowd… you will stand out for your fierce determination to succeed … that is unless you let the “normal” ones take you down… you know the ones, who are all about themselves and want you to look like them, act like them, why hell they just want you to mirror them in life for they within their own minds are perfect … you know the type …

But I know this is hard for a kid and society can be mean … and it is getting meaner and meaner … and as a child you are caught in the chaos of life… and you may have fears and may have monsters within you… I know for I placed a few monsters into my own children’s psyche by divorcing their father …

I even wrote about one such monster … my daughter had fears as child… that there was a monster under her bed or in her closet … she even drew pictures for me on how the monster looked … so I had to do a monster “swept” of her bedroom at night …           

 Lindsay Monsters

They are here, look under the bed ….

Mommy they are in the closet now …

They are looking to be fed

No such thing, Lindsay, now go sleep…

No mommy, they are real and under the bed

Night after night, and day after day

The Lindsay monsters would not go away

The monsters in her room would stay

And never stray from this child’s head

I would open the closet and look under the bed

You see, Lindsay no monsters here to be fed

The monsters are real and a picture she drew

To show mommy she’s wrong and needed a view

Scary indeed were these monsters at age three

Yet they remained invisible to me

I looked with the eyes of someone who was blind

To a child who was looking to find

Her peace and safe in her world that had unwind

For mommy and daddy, she no longer could find

Her home that once had both a mom and dad

To her had become a place of sad

Her monsters were real and lived with her then

And I am fearful they are still in her head

The mommy and daddy that brought her into this world

Made a monster for this little girl

They took her place of safe and secure

And gave her a place she could hardly endure

I live with regret and pain from the heart

That I was bind to the monster that for her will never depart

As she tries to make it in life

I see that I added to her strife

I wish I could fix it and make her life anew

But I understand that is impossible to do

All I can say is I see them now

The monsters I made that still live in your head

 I apologize for the monsters I created in the heads of my children and I apologize to all children who have monsters created in their heads,  by all of us in society ... And I promise you if I see a monster around you,  I will slay them ... 

It is not easy

OK I have been reading a few of my emails and I see the moms and dads are stressed ...

   ....   it is not easy being a parent .. it is not easy being a kid

I was super shy as a kid

People who meet me now cannot believe I was ever shy, yep I was … I was also self-hating on many levels, insecure, felt stupid, could not keep the pace with my fellow classmates … plus until my second year in high school I was a “bit chunky” so I had body image issues … and it did not help that my two older brothers were super smart achievers in life … I was “cute” that was all I had going for me at least that is what I thought back then …I forgot to mention the “mean girls”, yes they existed back then as well as now… well I was like Rudolph the red nose reindeer never allowed to play in their games … so it was lonely and isolating …  

On some level that insecurity never goes away, from inside of you no matter your age … the best you can do is learn to manage it in life… this takes time to do … self-confidence grows slowly inside of you … don’t try to rush it … let it first take root deep in your soul …there is a saying “fake it until you make it”… many people are faking it in life, they are still trying to fine that self-confidence inside of themselves … 

As a kid this seems like an impossible thing to do, you are processing so much in life and where you fit into the world… the ever old… ever new… Question … “Who am I” … let me answer that for you … you are gift from God a remarkable human being who was placed on this planet to enhance it and to make a difference … you may not be feel like you are but you are … the mystery in life is we will never know… just how much our mere presence,  makes a difference  in the life of others … just to see your face, hear you voice is lifting someone up today … if not for you,  they would be sad and lost … that is how important you are to all of us … “just be” … and life will figure itself out around you …

As for the adults with the inner doubts and lack of self-worth … such feelings are both a grace and a curse … A grace it will keep you humble a curse for you also have meaning and destiny to fulfill, which was created just for you … at times you have to walk in blind faith … just keep moving forward and you will reach the finish line …     

Chillax parents … this too shall pass … and to all children/ young adults this too shall pass as well

A time will come in your life (single parent or not) when your child will think you are a complete asshole (and on some levels,  you are) … parenthood is not a science but an art form, thus your paint strokes at times will be sloppy and sometimes they will be perfect … one day your kid will look like a Picasso with ears out of place and a nose on their forehead 

… the next day they will look like a stunning painting … they are in the process of learning what type of art suites them (not you mom and dad, but them) they get to choose what hangs on their walls in life …

 in the end the parent may not like the artwork (not to their taste) but that is not your call in life … it is theirs … so let them paint away and learn what they like in life … like the days when they would finger paint and get the paint all over themselves or on the floor … (hey don’t you secretly miss those days, mom and dad) you did not then … it was a big job cleaning up … 

I promise you one day you will secretly miss these trying days as well … when your children are grown and out of the house  … nothing stays the same .. Enjoy the journey mom, dad and the challenged child (challenged by life… their parents… their peers … society… by their siblings, who at this age they hate …) why the only one they love at this age is Grandma … love you back grand-kids … you are prefect to me and hey I get it your parents can be a pain in the ass to me as well …  

My marriage vow was “sacred”

My marriage vow was scared not because of any “fear of God” or man … but because I made a commitment a vow… I did not take that lightly 

Hence while married I never had an affair or “hooked up with anyone”… I found that then and now to be lacking in personal character … even in a “bad marriage” which, I had I remained true to my wedding vows … not because my ex-husband was worth it (sorry if that sounds cruel) just making a point here … I am “worth it” as in my own personal integrity … and as example to my children … you make a commitment you keep it … and if that commitment needs to be broken you do so in a manner that is “official” and then you walk away …

It is a matter of personal worth and honor as to how you feel about yourself and your ability to “be an adult”… as in if I said something I am going to do it … and if the job gets to be too hard or I have been hurt on job site I will legally leave the job (marriage)  …

I even insisted in my separation agreement (which would be laughed out of Court in today’s day and age)… if either party had a paramour who slept over when the children were present that party would lose visitation rights … that is how serious I took and take having a “moral compass” in life … this is not to say I am “uptight sexually” I am not … I have had my share of affairs and flings … but “play time” stops at the Altar or when you sign a marriage contract … or what is the point? When I was first married the concept of having an “open marriage” was discussed … I was horrified at this suggestion … so totally out of my realm of reality and intent as to what marriage is or was … still is a concept I do not agree with …

I get the fact in all marriages “what works for the couple”, not my business not my concern … I can only speak for myself and that is I value commitment, I value personal integrity …

  I also get how lonely it can be in bad relationship so I judge no one … I just hope for all that you value yourselves … for you have personal worth and do not sell yourselves short in any manner …           

Post-Partum depression and attempted suicide

I should have posted this story much earlier on this Blog and I should have mentioned it in my eBook about being a single mother  …yet shame was a big part of not doing so .. I am from the generation where you do not speak of such things … but suicide is such a big issue in society now,  I feel I must and be completely emotionally and intellectually honest as to what I walked though as a single parent.. And not sugar coat the truth anymore 

The delivery of my first child was a horrible experience as in the medical care I was given, in retrospect it was malpractice and I should have sued the doctor. I was very young and in a troubled marriage and there was no one in the labor and delivery room to be an advocate for me…

When I was pregnant with my second child, I developed serious vascular issues and I was placed on bed rest and medication in my second trimester. The physical pain at times was overwhelming as was the emotional pain, for my then husband was gone most of the time. Hence I had to rely on my mother for nearly everything … If my mother did not have a car she would take a taxi, from her home every day to make sure I was ok and had what I needed in addition to caring for my 19 month old toddler (who I could not care for on many days during my second pregnancy, due to pain and being on bed rest)

This went on for the entire length of my second pregnancy, my calculated delivery date for this pregnancy was March 17, yet in late April my OB/GYN doctor stated he wanted to induce labor … for it was too risky for me to continue my pregnancy … He said the baby was viable and healthy, but I was not and if the pregnancy continued I was a great risk for a stroke … I had acute vascular issues plus I had/have a family history of massive deadly strokes … my grandmother died from one, two Uncles died from strokes and a stroke is what caused my mother’s death … So my doctor wanted to end my pregnancy as soon as possible …

My OB doctor was an Irish Catholic and he said to me (his name was Dr. Campbell now deceased) … I should never become pregnant again the risk of death/ stroke during pregnancy for me was to high to take the risk again. 

Dr. Campbell was also aware that my marriage was troubled and he knew for most of my pregnancy,  my then husband was not around…So when I was scheduled to be induced Dr. Campbell asked my then husband not to stay at the hospital, but to go home and he would call him when I had delivered the baby…

I will never forget what Dr. Campbell did next … he said he would sit by my bedside until it was time for me to go into the delivery room  … that man was an angel … such a good man … he even sang to me, he sang Irish lullaby's to me while I was being induced …

Dr. Campbell also said this  ...”I know you are afraid, but God and I will take care of you” (I was afraid of having a stroke) … Dr. Campbell went onto say … “I will have to put you to sleep to delivery your baby” … now with my first delivery I was not put to sleep I had a spinal … so I asked Dr. Campbell why do you have to put me to sleep??? Dr. Campbell just smiled and said... “Don’t worry it will be OK”…   

I learned later that I was “put to sleep because of the way my baby had to be delivered”… they did not want to put extra pressure on the veins in my affected leg … so I only had one leg in a stirrup and one being closely monitored … which caused some back issues post the delivery …

Now a woman with vascular issues is still at great risk post-delivery, and so I was placed on blood thinners… Started with heparin in the hospital and went home on Coumadin, which meant I needed frequent blood work …   I was also told to limit my activity, wear compression stockings and elevate my leg at least 4 times a day… now I had a 22 month old at home and a newborn baby and absent husband so this was overwhelming to me to say the least.. And once again my mother was “all hands on deck” she was always there … and if not she would hire a babysitter for me to take care of my 22 month old …

In addition to all of this … I was 23 years old, the mother of two small children and a marriage on the rocks... I was overwhelmed, in pain physically and emotionally, and falling deeper and deeper into postpartum depression (of course I did not know it at the time)… back then it we called it “baby blues”… no it is so much more than that … it is black hole and you cannot see any light around you or any hope for the future …

And I did not share this with anyone, yet those who knew my life could kind of figure it out … bad marriage, two young kids, hard deliveries and now a stroke theoretically hanging over me and being told “no more children, too dangerous” … things seemed pretty bleak for me…

Until one day... I was due to take my medication (my daily dose of Coumadin)... I decided to take the whole bottle. I did not plan it … I just did it and I knew by doing this I would bleed out internally and there was no way it could be stopped … death seemed the best option at that point in my life …

I had a “plan” after I took the pills I knew my then husband would be home within two hours, there was a babysitter there taking care of the kids and I would just lay on the bed and die there … 

Then my 22 month old toddler ran up to me and said “mommy I love you, will you play with me and stay with me”… I looked at her and started to cry, for her words “stay with me” exploded in my mind … and I thought… what will happen to her and her sister if I die …This decision I just made to end my life will affect them for the rest of their lives … as if by divine providence, my ex-husband came home early and I told him what I did … we then went immediately to the local hospital’s ER, where I was given something to throw up the medication … they did not put anything down my throat that might cause a bleed … I remember just sitting on a stretcher in the ER vomiting  into a basin and with the ER doctor talking to me and saying … you know you are clinically depressed, you have post-partum depression … everything was surreal to me …

I went home after this and never received any care … I was told my former husband’s career could be affected by this and I should not let anyone know what I did … so I remained silent … so I know the power and pain of silence and being told to do so … only by God’s grace did I survive those times in my life …

So why do even bring this up now the story is 44 years old … because the story is not 44 years old to those who contemplate suicide now … it is in the here and now … and to tell family friends do not force your friend, your family member to remain silent in the face of depression … because it suites you or your career … speak up and get them help …   

And also to let society know , the ones who really will kill themselves will not tell you a head of time (like I did not threaten suicide to anyone, I just tried to do it)… and if not for my 22 month old daughter,  I would have succeed  ….

So for those who think “suicide” and are not telling anyone about your thoughts … I have been there and literally did that … it is not worth it … hang on life changes, it always does … please I beg of you hang on I care, get help … I know you were made to do and be someone in this world and the world will be a darker place if you are gone … we need you, I need you and I know your pain …                          

do not die from despair ... you are more than your despair

Dying of despair…

I am dying here … don’t you flip’n see, I am dying here… hence I scream in pain… I am screaming through my alcohol, my drugs, my money, my education, my position and status … I am dying here… to truth … that I am more …  I run in the world so you can see, I am dying here … 

The Nanny Granny

Many years ago, my youngest daughter’s nanny robbed her and she was terrified to have another nanny watch her children again … she called me in tears and asked if I could become “the nanny” … what are you going to do … I said yes … being a “nanny granny” was not a preferred role … as such I had to obey rules .. a grandma does not have such restrictions … they can fly in and out are not bound by such … unless you are dealing with a bat shit crazy parent that is …

I have to say, I enjoyed the time but it was taxing on me … young children are made for young parents not grandparents … I tired to get the boys out of the house as much as I could… I hate it when kids are shut INS… like a younger version nursing home!!!  You have to get out see and do things … enjoy the fresh air … one of my fav things to do with the boys was go to parks … go on walks … play in the yard do arts and crafts … science projects …play super hero games (I had my own super hero cape) … there was a local petting zoo as well … But the place we went to the most was the library, we were always at the library either in their own home town, or the one in the town where I lived.  

By going to my local library so often,  I started to developed friendships there and eventually started to volunteer at the library … I met so many kids … funny and extremely bright and talented kids … one even talked to me about how he could hack into any computer system … another who told me how to pick stocks … another who would write poetry for me … and the pre-teen and teenagers would tell me what books to read … this is where I learned about the Hunger Games book, when it first came out and told my daughter about it … all done by recommendations of children …

Then I started to ask them about iPads, iPods and using a computer and they taught me!  I would ask them about texting and Facebook as well … now this was 10 years ago and I was not at all savvy in such things …

Finally I said … let’s do a Podcast from the library with the  “the nanny granny" (that be me)  the library staff loved the idea … we called it “kick the can” and it was taped in the library … one podcast is posted the below … I loved all of those kids … I keep track of many of them … young professionals now! 

I just love being with kids ... they are so fresh and creative and bright ... (the below podcast is from 2009 so some of the "talk will be dated")

Disingenuous to say the least …

I have several other blogs and I am trying to be as point specific in each blog as to the subject matter … this one being (single parenthood and being a grandparent) … 

I am instant messaged on Facebook, from single moms and at times grandparents whose grown children have abandoned them … these grown children usually are “well off” so it is double disturbing to me … it is the following

 I hear some family members and people go on and on about the inequities in the world (which is true) and on how people just do not care … they rattle on and on about immigration and the woes of those people (again a fair statement), how they hate this president  … yet these same “complainers of society” blow off their own family members, when they are in need, when they are poor and when they are homeless … so my advice to any poor grandparent in need in the USA (and I know there are many … those who go without food or shelter and proper health care)  … try to get a bus ticket to the border, let a cable news show film you there and maybe your family will care   … Before you complain about the poor in faraway places look to see them in your own family or your own backyard or stop the bullshit … there is enough of that in the world …

A message for my granddaughters

I have several blogs and a few websites … I also have family tree sites (I had 2 DNA tests done) to research family linage … I have to say the best resource for “ancient records” is the Catholic Church… they kept meticulous records for centuries, if your family was Catholic and they received their sacraments there is a record of it in the Catholic Church that is true now and was true a 1,000 years ago… 

The Catholic Church  made my research into family trees a lot easier … and this is global … I have gotten into the Catholic church’s  archives in Germany, Poland and Austria … 

I also keep journals for my grandchildren … one of the saddest things for me is that I did not know my grandparents and hence never knew their personal stories in life (sad to me) everyone wants to know “where they came from” … so I journal about my life for my grandchildren and their children’s children … Hey that is what the Bible is all about (our spiritual history)

Being in Control….   July 6, 2010                     

If a man be in “control” and at the top of his game he is labeled a brilliant organizer, achiever, entrepreneur or even a “mogul”...  A woman does the same she is a bitch, aggressive, (not the words assertive or focused)… For a man success on a higher level is a good thing for a woman it is her trying to castrate a man…  Although I do not have a license to practice medicine nor am I degreed in biology I do know the anatomical/biological differences between a man and woman are from the neck down, brain matter is equal.

At the time of this writing there is a “glass ceiling” for women even those who are brilliant. Hopefully this will change before you’re grown this will not be the case.

I would encourage you to express yourselves and to reach higher then your current point of reference.  Do not seek to make horizontal moves but vertical ones.  Always behave like an adult but keep a child within. It is the child within that will allow you to take the chance; it is she who will trust God on a deeper level.  It is the inner child reaching for the moon who is closer to their goal, then the adult who calculates their next move.  For all things have its start in a belief that it can be done.  Don’t listen to the voices who tell you no, listen to your heart and follow your passion.  Talk it over with God if you want to do something, his is the voice of wisdom.

If a man finds you to imitating it’s his issue not yours, move on.  A “real man” is not intimated by such. You will find in life that you have enough of your own issues to deal with; no need to take on someone else’s…

You are two beautiful little girls, one day you will be stunning women, and this is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing if you take the beauty and add kindness and love using a smile that will light up a room, or light up the life of someone in pain or sorrow; or a curse if you use your appearance to get your own way.  Physical beauty is common, combining it with interior beauty very rare. Be among those rare creatures on earth and become both.

Actually practice 3 B’s…. Be Benevolent   … Be Brilliant… Be Beautiful …. And since we have a God who will not be outdone he will then give you back 3 B’s by giving to you…Blessings… Bounty… Beauty, (deep inner beauty and the beauty of knowing him)…

Control in all areas of life is a good thing … such as control your thinking, your behavior will stay in line, control your appetite and you will not be greedy, control your anger and you will be forgiving, control you judgments and you will be merciful…  If you are out of control, or not in control you are destructive to your self and others…

The 10 commandments and laws are based upon control… Societal control for the benefit of all man, practice personal control to benefit yourself on a personal level…

When you are in the public or thrown into as I was many years ago… the rules change for you, people think they know you and or own you. You are defined by what others want you to be, or think you are. They on a metaphorical level “rape” your identity and place a false one on you…

Some will even try to make money off of you…. Such as the selling things and/or a donation basket or the fact that two people wrote books with me in them… I had neither say in what was written, nor any compensation…  I now have a radio audience, “fan mail, and whatever sent to the station”…. The producer of the show, actually opened these things and kept them… A point that is “illegal”… my friend and a former police chief said report your radio producer to the postal service… I did not and will not…  For I realize it is part of the “game” of business…

The producer wanted to see what the viewers were saying about me and if it is in his best interest to keep me on the air….  My friends tells me if there is money in those envelopes it could cause me a problem in the future… maybe I do not know… I do not think about it…. But then they said this to me…. “Mary Jo maybe there is a whack who is sending you letters either threatening you or seeking to stalk you, you need to have more control of your life and what is coming in for you, for your own safety”…    So I do think more about controlling things around me…  You need to control things round you as well… It is okay to put an “invitation only sign” around yourself…

This is why, I am more “assertive” now and I choose to set boundaries as best I can, I am going to try to place a clear “persona” into the public as best I can… before others do this for me… they will anyhow, on some level, but at least I have placed something out there…

You need to set boundaries in life even for yourself as to how far you will go… very important…

Do not share with many, that inner most you; they do not need to know it, and the essence of you, give to only one…  I will sound very harsh here and maybe should not even write this but I feel I must…

My father raised me without “religion”; education, money and business were my creed. I have tried to run from this for most of my life but you cannot run from your roots. They will always be with you, on some level… The best you can do is modifying behavior… I do believe that my father did give sound advice in the area of business, he was successful with this. He said, “no one will watch your house as you will”… translations do not rely on anyone to keep track of your business or your family, friends you need to do so.

 Next do not show your weakness in the business world, for you swim with sharks, and if they smell blood in the water, they will attack and destroy you.

 I would like to be able to say to you both, you will live in a world of fairy tales, such as you live in now but I cannot. I can only say “be as wise as a fox and as gentle as a dove”… or modern day speak “an iron fist wrapped in a velvet glove”… You were not made to be used, or abused in life because of your gender.  Nor should you be abusers of others, in business or life in general.

There is a side of “Grandma” you do not know… the one called “Princess” or “Bitch”… you do not know her, for in your world she does not exist.  The Princess and the Bitch live in a place, called “the world”…. “Grandma” keeps you both in a place called “love”/ private side…  When you are older and move in the world, do not let the world leech into your place of love/ private side…

In the past I thought that on some level I had to hold back for some said, “I represent God”… I now see that is BS, and on some level that was very prideful of me. No one represents God, yet we all do no matter who we are…  God is available to all from the harsh to the meek.  To set up a “persona” where I can get into someone’s face allows me the flexibility to say what I want, and it becomes on some level expected of me, for “she is a bitch”… Maybe this on some level, is why Archbishop Myers liked to wrote “science fiction”, he said you can voice thoughts on God in a genre that allows you to go beyond “common thought”… “My bitch” appears to be able to do the same…

Are you only concerned about your own grandchildren ??? Or yourself!

Are you only concerned about your own grandchildren??? Or maybe even just your self ...

What about the child who has no grandparents  … There are many programs where you can become a foster grandma … such as at the Totowa library in NJ … you can be a foster grandma or grandpa to a child who just needs someone to sit with them for a couple of hours a month or week … or to read to them … just to show them someone cares … someone is out there in the world who is taking the time just for them …

Another cool thing to do … is to be trained as a “Court aide”… when a child needs to appear in Court because of neglect or abuse … it is a super scary thing to go through for anyone, especially a child … as a “court aide” you just sit with the child… talk to them … be a comfort to them during a very trying time … reach out to children if you can, volunteer your time … you just might be the difference in that child’s world that makes or breaks their lives …    

Marriage and parenthood

Marriage and parenthood, I do believe combining both is the best option for children as well as society. I also believe “original families” are better than “blended families”, yet I am realistic and know they are not the norm for many; it was not my “norm” raising my children. I am inclusive enough to be opened minded in regards to difference, I am not lacking in tolerance at least in this regard.  I was raised in home with an “original mom and dad” no step parents to deal with, or mom or dads “partner to deal with”… I was steeped in traditional values in regards to what a family should look like.

I have expanded my concept of family theologically and philosophically speaking yet I do not think I have done so in reality speak as to who I am at my root. 

I am a mom, who has lived to see her children’s children, in Scripture this is called a blessing in reality, it is as well in thought it makes you ponder. My children make me wonder, did I give them what they needed both my daughters are very traditional in regards to marriage more so than me, yet not traditional as to what it means to be a grandparent.  They married a lot older than I was they knew who they are before they married. They brought self into their marriage, I brought need to know self into mine.  

My grandchildren have a half a dozen grandmas…

My grandchildren have been taught to call several women “grandma” and I have to say it ticks me off …big time… I have been told “it is your fault, you chose to divorce”… true, I did but from a “husband” not my children…

As I believe a mother’s role is a one and only, I also believe so is the role of the “native grandparents” … they are a one and only … children “organically” come with 2 sets of grandparents (organic is big for most parents, yet they do not see the need for remaining organic in regards to who is a “organic grandparent” …

And a tragic oxymoron to the generations behind me who say “words matter”… the word “grandma” seems not to matter to them… for they have taken poetic license with it and apply it to those who are not the grandmother / grandfather …

You frame the mind of a child that way (why I have a 5 grandmas so no one is really special) and you place “competition into the mix” … what grandma can give more …. You take away the honor and dignity of the true grandmother / grandfather and the nature of “biological family is destroyed”…Which is important and in need for children … to know their roots, who they are for they are products of nature as well as nurture …

I know that family can be anyone and with most friends are more like family (this is my case as well) 

I wonder how these women would feel if there were 6 women their children called “mommy”…  

I have learned in life what you teach your children at home they will bring  back to you as adults … so for those grandchildren who have 6 grandmothers now … they will bring 12 to their own parents in the future … the respect given a grandparent now is the respect their own children, will give them in the future … for that is what they were taught … and I also believe in Karma in this regard … it will come back to you ...