Life is tough wear a helmet

Life's tough, get a helmet! No matter your choices in life, your profession … you are going to need to wear a helmet …

 

It is not being dismissive of a person's ordeals in life. You are not telling a person to get over it. What you are saying is life can be and for the most part  is hard, it is challenging learn to survive, let the challenge be a master class of character formation of either getting better or bitter, your choice. Do not remain a perpetual victim in life, learn from the hard times, the rejections, grow from them.

Talk to someone, everyone needs to be heard, and a listening ear can heal, preferable someone who has “been there” or has a skill set to get you out of the trauma so you do not develop lifelong PTSD and stay locked into your moment of pain, so you can move forward in life. I have deep faith and I know that we are never alone, God is with us.

If we are honest no one has had a perfect childhood, no one has had or has perfect parents, if we think differently that is an issue unto itself. We are human and along with our humanity comes imperfection. Parenthood is an art form of sorts, a job, and a total commitment to another human being that is only here because of you. Being a parent should be a 100% commitment if you are not willing to do so, maybe you should not take that leap into parenthood.

I am a Catholic and the church teaches it is the job of “mother church” to teach “the children of God”, that be the laity to have a well formulated consciousness and through that they will survive and ethically function in life and be an asset to society. A well formulated consciousness takes time to cultivate, and it can be challenging at times and human nature will resist.

Much like the job of a parent (a mom) it takes time, and you will run across resistance at times, from society, they will judge you, label you, sometimes make false allegations against you … you need to push forward and keep the end goal in sight a grown child with the ability and courage to stand alone if need be, academically prepared, who knows themselves, their weakness and their strengths … That is the job of a parent a mom, and it is not a job for the faint of heart or a part time commitment. As they say “a woman cannot be a little bit pregnant”, she either is or she is not … my philosophy is your cannot be a little bit of a mom, you either give it your all or do not do it … or may I quote Yoda…

You cannot “test drive” motherhood … or fatherhood …

You need to take ownership of your actions in life, most especially when it involves children …

 

 

I have gone "paper"

My single mother or ruthless dictator eBook is now available in “paper”.

I have had many people tell me, they prefer “paper” books to digital ones and Amazon graciously helped me make this possible, for most of my eBooks.

I changed the book jacket on this “paper version”, the story remains the same as it is in the digital version.  

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1696585902

The Lion King

Yesterday was the birthday of my youngest grandchild,  all of my grandchildren are great grace to me.

Since I live relatively close to my daughter who is the mother of this grandson, I was able to readily visit this little boy in the hospital when he was born. 

The first time I met my grandson his pediatrician walked into the room after me and examined the small child. I watched as he did so as did my sister-in-law who was with me … The physical exam was routine for a newborn to have … then this doctor did something I have never seen before and I will always remember … the doctor held this tiny child in his one hand and lifted him upwards and kissed the baby’s back as he did  ( as if he was giving thanks that this new life came into the world and he was offering praise to God) … it was amazing to see a doctor do this …

Bad choices

Opposite attract but they cannot maintain (as in a relationship). I think back on my marriage, my former husband was the opposite of me in all manners … I like funky things and talking to all kinds of people, no matter their status in life, my former husband not so much. I like to work a room and meet everyone in it … my former husband not so much. He had pretty much a flat affect and I was always flying high.

  

My former husband is from a small town in the Wisconsin and the town and people who lived there, when I first met him were very much Parochial school … very class minded … if you had money you did not talk to those who did not … I remember being “schooled” by my former mother-in-law, for talking to the help at one of their nursing homes and for wearing jeans or even pants … a “lady wore” dresses in that town!  And I also recall one other thing that ticked my former mother-in -law off,  I always walked barefoot in the house… she hated that and said “it was peasant feet” to do so … so I tried to do it more just to tick her off and I also continued to talk to everyone ..

 On some level I might have been “Yankee trash” or a New York liberal to her … a position I loved to have ... I married very young and if I saw a weakness in your character I would hit you on it … especially if I thought you were being a snob … I still do!  

  

But one of the many things that destroyed my marriage was my former husband’s attitude towards women … in the beginning I thought it was “cute” or maybe he was just jesting … until I realized,  no… it was a mind frame… such as when my former husband was in medical school there was only one woman in his class … she was 40 years old, older than the average med student, her name was Faith … My former husband would always say, why is she there, she is taking up a seat that a man could have …

Then I watched how his family treated his own mother … and I started to feel bad about how I busted on her with the way I dressed … her children and her husband gave her no respect at all… and it is true you want a good husband watch how they treated their mother growing up and as an adult … Poor Helen had no respect given her, she was tolerated at best and cheated upon. And this was the example the father (my former father-in-law) gave his sons as to how women are to be treated, with disrespect and to be cheated upon …

Once we had daughters I thought about this long and hard … and decided nope my daughters will be treated with respect and be that woman in a medical school if they choose to be …

Ancestry and DNA and the selling of sperm

Researching family roots is fascinating to me, through this I have found a few startling facts within my ancestors and distant relatives. 

I had my DNA researched on both ancestry and 23 and me sites, you can sign up to be notified by others if your DNA matches theirs … I chose to do this on a limited level. In doing so a woman once emailed saying she thinks we are related. After researching my personal family line I could not find any direct connections to her or her family tree other than the fact that our DNA seemed to match in a few key places.

So I asked this woman more about her family (growing up) what was her family life like and her parents like … she said her father was a medical doctor and had passed away a few years prior to her doing her DNA test … and that she was aliened, from her siblings and she wanted to research her family line (hey I get that you can choose your friends, but not your family).

Since there are physicians in my family as well … I thought … wow it must be in our DNA to be doctors! So I asked this woman what medical school did her dad go to and when did her parents marry …  

Then I started to learn things that disturbed me a bit, from this woman … she told her parents struggled while her father was in med school (many people do during this time of training). So her father would sell “his sperm” to make ends meet… now this was back in the 1960’s when such things were not common and since her father was in med school his sperm went for “big money” … ok that creeped me out a bit and I asked her,  “didn’t your mother mind her husband was doing this?”  The woman replied not at all … now I am thinking OMG … there could be dozens of children in the world fathered by this man …. So I asked this woman, how long did your father do this? She answered for his entire time in med school … WOW that is 4 years and WOW this man could literally have hundreds of biological children in the world…

And somehow a member of my family DNA line along the way had to have received this man’s “sperm donation” that it is coming up in a DNA test in my family line … and I thought about the moral implications of all of this and all the men who donate or sell their sperm … and the children produced … talk about “dead beat dads” these men top the list on a moral and ethical level … not to mention a on DNA level as to what physical / health issues a child may encounter in their lives …

 so it was shocking for me to learn that many medical students did this routinely to make money in the 1960’s and 70’s .. How a future doctor would think that was ok is beyond me and how any wife would think that was ok is totally beyond me …

And I thought about “personal moral compasses” as to one’s actions in the world and how what is done in darkness truly affects the world in general and light will eventually be shone on these deeds.

Jersey girl forever and we do not have an accent in North Jersey

For me New Jersey is the promised land, let me correct that North Jersey is the promised land   ... love it! I learned to trash talk here and hone my attitude ... and I do not do gas pumps ... south Jersey, nice place to visit once and awhile ..    

My daughters not so much Jersey cheerleaders .. but what do they know 

  

The proper use of a table

I have been interviewing grandmas’ to hear their stories on being a grandmother and their dealing with their adult children … there is definitely a common thread … we all agree being a grandparent would be a lot easier and fun if we did not have to deal with the parents.

Parents control the ability of a grandparent to have a relationship, with their grandchildren. The parents are the ones who also teaches the child to reach out to the grandparent … There was a time in society where “elders” were treated with respect and it was duty of the younger members in the family to check on the older members of the family and to help them… This is not the case anymore in families, or it is rare … Yet these same “modern families” claim they are teaching their children what family is … not so much …

I have heard about grandmas that are very engaged, with their grandchildren for they have been afforded the opportunity to be so … and I have been told about grandparents who are into themselves, all they do is travel and dine out in life, family is a non-started to them. As if they had children only as an experience not a commitment …I heard about poor grandmas who have been abandoned by their families ... 

Hands down one of the funniest grandma story’s came from a 92 year old “grandma” … she spoke of watching her grandson one day and how the little boy loved to climb on furniture… This grandma was horrified to learn that her small grandson was not being taught not to do such things…

So one day when her grandson climbed on a table … grandma said this to her grandson … “Tables are for glasses not little asses”…  

When the child went home that day, he immediately told his mother, what grandma had taught him … with a “mommy did you know tables are for glasses and not little asses?”   

That phrase is now ingrained into that family unit! You go grandma!!!! And remember to tell your climbing grandchildren where to put their glasses and where to put their little asses …    

The trap of giving marital advice

I have learned in life to stay out of anyone’s marriage … it is a no win situation and it can be infuriating as well … to be frank, I do not need anyone to do an “emotional dump” on me about their spouse, I have my own emotional issues thank you… do not need a serving of yours… usually the spouse who complains the most is the one most at fault … If you are unhappy and cannot work it out leave the relationship. No one is called to be a martyr “in love” … a person named Jesus Christ already took on that role.

Love is not a “feeling” it is a commitment, first to self as in you made the choice and then to the one to whom you chose to be with … It is ok to say,  “I made a mistake this is not working out and leave”, it is also ok to say,  “ I will stay and work it through”… it is a call of the heart and the tolerance level of the individual … as to what is acceptable personally … If you are staying in a relationship out of guilt you are placing on yourself or others place on you … not a good thing … if you are “just settling” not a good thing either … demeaning  to yourself and to your partner  …

The grass is never greener in the next yard … every relationship is hard and needs work … relationships and marriage should never be a “need” as in you need to be married, it should be a “choice” as in you are choosing to be with someone … and if you do not know yourself, you can never know someone else. If you are bringing your own emotional baggage into a relationship, you will always accuse your partner of having the baggage you have not unpacked yourself ...  

        

My mamma always said...

My mamma always said

I pushed education and personal discipline on my daughters, knowing women have a harder time in the professional world than men. These are “skill sets” you instill in your children early in life, wait until Middle school or high school and it is too late.

I am a big advocate of preschool and early childhood learning, children are way smarter than we give them credit for and this should be fostered, from an early age…

I also made sure my daughters were well mannered, something that unfortunately seems to be lost in our current society.  

Parents do not be afraid to be a “parent” to your child, give them boundaries and help them set goals in life. Do not crush their dreams allow them to be who they are meant to be in life.

My daughter shaking the hand of President George W Bush in the oval office.  This daughter was also the youngest female member of the National Security Council, under Condoleezza Rice and my daughter was also a fellow with the prestigious Brookings Institute, the think tank in Washington, DC… Thus dispelling the common notion and stigmata placed on many single parent households that you are doing your child a disservice raising them as such. It is your value system and who you are as a parent (single or married) that produces successful adult children …  

Pictured above is my granddaughter with Michele Obama, (who was the First Lady at the time) whatever your politics are in life Mrs. Obama was very gracious to my granddaughter and knelt down and gave her a hug. Mrs. Obama was gracious to all the children.   

Whoa … there really is a subculture of meme makers

I like finding funky subcultures in life … they make me laugh … and I am finding the “meme subculture” to be triggering my competitive side and my snarky side … so let me introduce to you my new “meme” blog site … and can you believe it … some kid is using his grandmother to make memes … say what now!

Which is forcing me to top that …   so I will be using my grandchildren as my memes … not as they are now (how embarrassing would that be!!!!)  … But as infants and toddlers … for I always wondered just what is an infant thinking about,  when they look at you … or a toddler as they glance over you …. Hmmmm …

While I will call this “line of memes” … thoughts behind the pacifier …   

How to train your dragon …or in some cases your mother

Helpful hints for mom …

My daughter sent me this book, so I could distinguish between what it means to be a “good granny” as opposed to being a “bad granny” … and she was kind enough to make it a picture book …

What this book has done in the way of self-improvement was to give me more ideas on how to walk on the wild side of being a granny … so thank you … daughter!