The man whose hand, I was holding
in the above photo, was the man, who would place a wedding ring on my finger, by
week's end of this photo being taken
The photo to the left appeared in a local
publication, in Chicago, with the caption new start and it
was, my former husband, not just a medical student anymore, but a physician. I
not just a daughter and sister anymore, but a soon to be wife… I do not remember
what I was thinking when this photo was taken. I do not even remember the photo
being taken; it seems surreal, to me now, as if it happened to someone else…
Yet I know it was me, I do know “she” did not know, who she was back then,
maybe not even now. I have the memory of the photo, and it was moment in time
for me, and it will always remain a part of who I am. My memory...
not my history ...
Walking through the door to my Bridal shower
Nor did "Happily ever
after"....
Marriage and parenthood, I do believe combining both is the best option for children, as well as society. I also believe “original families”, are better than “blended families”, yet I am realistic and know they are not the norm for many; it was not my “norm” raising my children. I am inclusive enough to be open-minded, in regard to difference, I am not lacking in tolerance, at least in this regard. I was raised in home with an “original mom and dad”, no stepparents to deal with, or mom or dad’s “partner to deal with” … I was steeped in traditional values, in regards to what a family should look like.
The above photo is of me with my first child ...
I have expanded my concept of family,
theologically and philosophically speaking, yet I do not think I have done so
in reality speak, as to who I am, at my root.
I am a mom, who has lived, to see her children’s
children, in Scripture this is called a blessing, it reality, it is as well, in
thought it makes you ponder. My children make me wonder, did I give them what
they needed, both my daughters are very traditional regarding marriage, more so
than me, when I was married. They married a lot older than I was; they knew who
they were before they married. They brought self into their marriage, I brought
need to know self, into mine, a burden no marriage can stand.
This “single mom journey” of mine, happened a
generation ago, during a time I was the anomaly, not the norm as it is now. I
have a lingering guilt, was it my generation that set the stage, for this
societal dynamic, “disposal marriages and families”.
My now grown children tell me that my generation
was one of selfishness. Funny I do not remember being such, as a single parent.
I learned to empty self during those years. I also remember the denying of
self, to elevate my children.
Every generation sees the present and previous
ones as the “bad guys,” or they are labeled the “greatest generation”, I think
they are neither. They just are. Moments of time in human history, a person
living out there lives, in the circumstances that are presented to them. I am
not a fan of pigeonholing anyone into a “brand name”, such as one generation
being great, and one being selfish. Everyone has individual worth and dignity
and should be looked upon as such. Everyone also has individual failures. To
blend all into one pot, and label them as one is unfair, to both the achiever
and the failure. I have a strong sense of responsibility, step up to the plate,
take the credit when it is due, and take the “hit” when wrong. Own your
actions, you created them.
My father taught me that history is written
by the winners not by truth. I have lived long enough to see, this is a true
statement. I also learned that everyone is a walking, “history book” and it is
“their truth”, it is their “voice” that speaks it to you. Although I realize,
there are two sides to every coin, and everyone “sees” events through their own
eyes, as an eyewitness. Interview them, and you will get conflicting reports…
The “real truth”, blurred by personal perceptions, of what went on. Still to
get to the “truth”, one should be open to hear all sides, not to judge either,
but to learn from it. Then maybe, just maybe we as society will produce, the
“Perfect Generation” …
